bad!fic ahead
Sep. 27th, 2005 09:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
auntiemeeshAs you may remember, when I got back from Dragon*con, I was talking about doing some sort of 'hobbits in space' kind of fic, probably a cross-over with every other scifi space exploration and adventure story I could find. Well, I've finally got a start on it.
Inspired by the new Battlestar Galactica, this is a reimagining of the Lord of the Rings, rather than an addition to it. At some point in our (human) future, the hobbits are going to find that they can no longer continue to survive on an Earth that is as over populated and poluted as the one we have. So they buy a fleet of space ships and take off into the stars, hoping to find something better.
After cruising around the universe for several hundred years, they've pretty much gotten used to living on spaceships, however, and really don't even bother looking for a planet that could support them in a lifestyle in which they are no longer accustomed to living. They still consider themselves to be Hobbitdom in Exile, however, for reasons they can barely remember. They've found that the universe is a crowded place. There are plenty of other species floating around in the great void, providing them with the occasional outside contact and even allowing for adventurous Tooks to have a taste of wild living.
This is meant to be a silly, spoofy thing, although I don't know how silly or spoofy it will actually end up being, and it's going to follow the LotR roughly chapter by chapter.
So, without further ado:
The Long Expected Party (part one)
There were 144 hobbits crammed into the large banquet room on the FSS Hobbiton. The rest of the party was still going on in the other rooms and had spilled out into the hanger bay as well, but this was where the main action was occurring. Bilbo Baggins was making a speech.
He looked quite handsome, standing atop a table, wearing the latest fashion. His dark brown trousers, while quite tight around the waist and buttocks, billowed out at the knees before being gathered into a cuff at the thickest part of his calves. His tunic was even tighter than the trousers, proudly displaying his stout and prosperous figure to all. This was topped by an equally tight, short-waisted jacket in a deep rusty orange color. Capping his curls was a small beret in a matching rust color, with the Baggins family sigil emblazoned on the front. Upon his feet he wore dress thongs put on only for the most special of occasions, the open toe harkening back to a time when hobbits roamed freely upon the earth, rather than living in starships.
As I said, Bilbo Baggins was making a speech. This was always a painful moment, as he did like to go on and on, reminiscing about the old days (did I mention that he was very old?) and all the wild adventures he’d been on. Well, there’d been one wild adventure anyway, something to do with dwarves and a creature that Bilbo called a Budong, but everyone knew was just a plain old dragon – and why he had to go bothering that poor old dragon, no one could rightly say; it hadn’t been hurting anyone, curled up in it’s nest in that asteroid in a distant part of the galaxy that no one even bothered going to anymore.
Anyway, old Bilbo was talking away, with his captive audience getting drunker and drunker as they waited for him to get to the point – any point, really. Finally, it began to sound as though he was winding down.
“This is it,” he said, “the end.”
There were loud cheers and much thumping of sandaled feet until the audience realized he didn’t really mean it; he was still talking.
“I am going to take my leave of you now,” Bilbo continued, fiddling with something that he was carrying in a utility pouch on his wide belt. “Farewell.”
With that, he disappeared.
The result was rather less spectacular than he’d hoped for, at least initially. The general reaction was a yawn and a snicker. “Crazy old Baggins,” snorted Rory Brandybuck, Master of the Brandybucks and Captain of the FSS Brandywine. “Had too much Old Winyards and didn’t even realize he was standing on a transporter pad.”
It was eventually realized that there was, in fact, no transporter pad anywhere in the banquet room, and then there was reaction aplenty. Well fed and well drunk hobbits attempted to deal with the impossibility of a sturdy and pseudo-respectable hobbit simply vanishing without rhyme or reason in front of their very eyes.
Frodo Baggins, old Bilbo’s young cousin and adopted heir, was rather less perplexed, having been in on the joke the entire time. Indeed, he’d rather enjoyed all the fuss. It slowly began to dawn on him, however, as the outraged hobbits turned to him for answers, that he wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to take on his new role as Captain of the FSS Bag End and head of Family Baggins. After all, he reflected ruefully as he looked down at his scrawny figure barely filling out the clothes he wore, matching Bilbo’s in cut and color if not in fit, he wasn’t half the hobbit Bilbo had been.
With one last giggle and a sigh, he signaled for the bar tenders to keep the Old Winyards flowing, and headed back to the shuttle that would return him to the Bag End.
tbc
Inspired by the new Battlestar Galactica, this is a reimagining of the Lord of the Rings, rather than an addition to it. At some point in our (human) future, the hobbits are going to find that they can no longer continue to survive on an Earth that is as over populated and poluted as the one we have. So they buy a fleet of space ships and take off into the stars, hoping to find something better.
After cruising around the universe for several hundred years, they've pretty much gotten used to living on spaceships, however, and really don't even bother looking for a planet that could support them in a lifestyle in which they are no longer accustomed to living. They still consider themselves to be Hobbitdom in Exile, however, for reasons they can barely remember. They've found that the universe is a crowded place. There are plenty of other species floating around in the great void, providing them with the occasional outside contact and even allowing for adventurous Tooks to have a taste of wild living.
This is meant to be a silly, spoofy thing, although I don't know how silly or spoofy it will actually end up being, and it's going to follow the LotR roughly chapter by chapter.
So, without further ado:
The Long Expected Party (part one)
There were 144 hobbits crammed into the large banquet room on the FSS Hobbiton. The rest of the party was still going on in the other rooms and had spilled out into the hanger bay as well, but this was where the main action was occurring. Bilbo Baggins was making a speech.
He looked quite handsome, standing atop a table, wearing the latest fashion. His dark brown trousers, while quite tight around the waist and buttocks, billowed out at the knees before being gathered into a cuff at the thickest part of his calves. His tunic was even tighter than the trousers, proudly displaying his stout and prosperous figure to all. This was topped by an equally tight, short-waisted jacket in a deep rusty orange color. Capping his curls was a small beret in a matching rust color, with the Baggins family sigil emblazoned on the front. Upon his feet he wore dress thongs put on only for the most special of occasions, the open toe harkening back to a time when hobbits roamed freely upon the earth, rather than living in starships.
As I said, Bilbo Baggins was making a speech. This was always a painful moment, as he did like to go on and on, reminiscing about the old days (did I mention that he was very old?) and all the wild adventures he’d been on. Well, there’d been one wild adventure anyway, something to do with dwarves and a creature that Bilbo called a Budong, but everyone knew was just a plain old dragon – and why he had to go bothering that poor old dragon, no one could rightly say; it hadn’t been hurting anyone, curled up in it’s nest in that asteroid in a distant part of the galaxy that no one even bothered going to anymore.
Anyway, old Bilbo was talking away, with his captive audience getting drunker and drunker as they waited for him to get to the point – any point, really. Finally, it began to sound as though he was winding down.
“This is it,” he said, “the end.”
There were loud cheers and much thumping of sandaled feet until the audience realized he didn’t really mean it; he was still talking.
“I am going to take my leave of you now,” Bilbo continued, fiddling with something that he was carrying in a utility pouch on his wide belt. “Farewell.”
With that, he disappeared.
The result was rather less spectacular than he’d hoped for, at least initially. The general reaction was a yawn and a snicker. “Crazy old Baggins,” snorted Rory Brandybuck, Master of the Brandybucks and Captain of the FSS Brandywine. “Had too much Old Winyards and didn’t even realize he was standing on a transporter pad.”
It was eventually realized that there was, in fact, no transporter pad anywhere in the banquet room, and then there was reaction aplenty. Well fed and well drunk hobbits attempted to deal with the impossibility of a sturdy and pseudo-respectable hobbit simply vanishing without rhyme or reason in front of their very eyes.
Frodo Baggins, old Bilbo’s young cousin and adopted heir, was rather less perplexed, having been in on the joke the entire time. Indeed, he’d rather enjoyed all the fuss. It slowly began to dawn on him, however, as the outraged hobbits turned to him for answers, that he wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to take on his new role as Captain of the FSS Bag End and head of Family Baggins. After all, he reflected ruefully as he looked down at his scrawny figure barely filling out the clothes he wore, matching Bilbo’s in cut and color if not in fit, he wasn’t half the hobbit Bilbo had been.
With one last giggle and a sigh, he signaled for the bar tenders to keep the Old Winyards flowing, and headed back to the shuttle that would return him to the Bag End.
tbc
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Date: 2005-09-27 07:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 08:49 am (UTC)Veddy interrresting...
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Date: 2005-09-27 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 09:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 10:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 12:53 pm (UTC)...it hadn’t been hurting anyone, curled up in it’s nest in that asteroid in a distant part of the galaxy that no one even bothered going to anymore. I guess he must have got there long after it had forgot about Han, Leia and the Milennium Falcon and gone back to sleep, eh?
A very clever start to a cute idea... you know what they say - "parody is the silliest form of imitation"...
no subject
Date: 2005-09-27 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-28 05:58 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-09-28 06:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-02 07:44 pm (UTC)This is fun! Being a Battlestar Galactica fan (both of the old series and the new series), and, of course, an LotR fan, I enjoyed this! :)